Monday, November 7, 2011

Pregnancy, Childbirth & Motherhood

Motherhood, a simple word that comes with a complex responsibility. Being a woman is not all about hair, shoes, bags and make-up. Yes! It is our obsession but as what we always hear especially on pageants; the essence of being a woman is to bear a child. Well it is true! I’ve been through the phase of my life that I was worried, crying about facing the reality that I am to become a mother. I’m worried because I know it is hard and I don’t know how to become one. I’ve heard a lot of things about giving birth. Sabi nila yung isang paa daw ng nanganganak nasa hukay meaning it’s a risk to live. It’s been 3 months now from the day I gave birth to my first born child, Knicole but the pain of childbirth is still fresh from my memory. The pain and the actual feeling. It was the 24th of July, 2011. When I woke up, I got straight to the bathroom to pee when I noticed a red discharge it was like a first day of menstruation. The first thing on my mind was, ”Opps! meron pala ako ngayon….” I said that because I was still sleepy. When I got into my senses, I just realized I can’t be bleeding…I’m pregnant! I suddenly rushed to fix the things I prepared for my delivery. Adrenalin rush! I called everyone within my reach and telling them to rush me into the hospital. I called my mom on the phone and told her what happened but she asked me if I’m in pain then I said “no!” I just notice a blood and that’s it. She laughed. She even wants me to come to our house My reaction was, “Huh?...hindi pwede baka manganak ako sa daan! isugod nyo na ko sa ospital! She’s calm and said that I was on labor. I just have to walk for an easier delivery. She’s a mother and I have to trust her. She’s been though this experience so I listened to her. I went to our house but I left my things ready for pick-up just in case it’s already time. On that day, It doesn’t hurt that much but I even sang to our videoke. After we had lunch we went to the church (Don Bosco Church) and got straight to the mall (The Landmark) for dinner. While eating dinner I felt something gush out on my undies. It was something wet. I told my mom and went to the ladies room to check what it is. It was a whole blood. I panic! We suddenly run to get a cab. On the cab, my legs are shaking. My mom was on panic. She holds my legs to stop the shaking. When we got to my Ob-gyne, the doctor checked the opening of my cervix. It was still close so the doctor advised us to go home but she told me to check my contractions. Of course we went home knowing it was just a false alarm. I got into my bed but the pain is now stronger. I feel the contractions every 15 minutes and damn! It hurts so badly! I believe it was 11pm of the same day. My water breaks when I got up to tell my in-laws that it was coming. Now everyone is on panic. We are going back to the hospital with just 2 hours interval. I was brought to the delivery room. My pelvic area, my belly, everything is in pain. I felt like I’m dying. On that moment I prayed as hard as I can. I was crying. I’m afraid of the situation. The doctors put a lot of medical gadgets on my body. The closer the baby is, the more pain I experience. July 25, 2011 at exactly 5:55 in the morning, I was officially a mother. When she comes out, I was relieved. She’s a healthy baby girl. Immediately after the baby comes out, they inject something on me for me to be asleep. When I woke up I’m already on the room with the nurses. The doctors didn’t give the baby to me until they was sure that I was okay. July 26, in the morning I went to the bathroom and when I come out, I saw a nurse holding a baby. She was looking for me. I know that the baby she was holding was mine. My heart beats fast. I’m nervous. It’s the first time that I will see and finally hold my baby after the long wait. As I opened my arms to get her, my tears are falling. I felt different. I was staring at her while crying. Her eyes, her face, her little arms and legs, she’s so wonderful. On that moment I felt the presence of God’s blessing on my arms. The miracle of life. No words can explain how grateful and happy I am. The pain, the suffering and the long wait was all worth it. Pregnancy is not easy and giving birth is most painful thing a woman can experience in her life. The childbirth was an experience that made me stronger. After all that I’ve been through, I know that I am now a stronger woman. I have to be… for my husband and for my daughter. I am now a mother. I know I have a huge responsibility ahead of me but I’m facing it all with courage. God didn’t left me along this journey and I know he never will. He gave me a loving husband, a beautiful daughter and that is already called a blessing. A blessing that I will treasure everyday of my life.

Eullababydoll: Bride's Confession

                   Bride’s Confession…
               There was no spark at the first time I saw him. He was okay but not my type really. He was my cousin’s friend and neighborhood. They say that he was a seaman but I couldn’t care less. I was not in the mood to find someone new that time because I still have a boyfriend. If you’re gonna ask how did we meet? Well, I was on my to the bank when I pass by their street. He was chatting with my cousin that time, maybe he noticed how pretty I am...hehehe...Even though I just woke up before going to my destination. My cousin shouts my name maybe for me to look back. I didn’t know what happened next...Maybe my cousin gave my number to him ‘cause few days after that, he starts texting me. You know simply to get acquainted.
               On my 2009 birthday, my phone rang and my mother was the one who answered it. I just ignored it believing it was just a greeting. On the night of my birthday before I got to sleep, my boyfriend and I had this argument that leads us to break up. My cousin Ariel wants me to date his friend named Kenneth of course I refused to for the reason that I wasn’t completely over with my ex.
             Few weeks after, I noticed that everyone talks about this Kenneth guy. Of course I was not numb, not to feel that everyone in the family wants me to try dating this guy. Guess what? I still couldn’t care less!
             You know what? I really believe that God is good all the time. I was so frustrated crying at the church telling God that I’m already tired of getting hurt from someone who doesn’t deserve my tears. I’m begging him to give me the right person this time. The one who can embrace my imperfections. The one who can understand my mood swings. The one who will treasure me as his most valuable possession. The one who will love more than anyone else can. As I walk down the streets on my way to our house, I asked for a sign. (Kung sino ang bibisita sakin ngayon sa bahay, sya na yung bigay ni God!) Of course I tried to cheat! I texted my ex to visit me that night even for a minute. I waited for an hour until my mom told us that it’s already bedtime. I got hopeless! My day was exhausted that my eyes commands me to sleep.
             Well expect the unexpected! That night when we were about to go to sleep we heard a knock! Yes there’s someone at the door. When my little brother checked who it was, It was my cousin Ariel but he was not alone… he was with this guy holding a gift for me. Who was that? It was this Kenneth.
             The first thing that pops on my mind when I saw him was, “God, sya ba talaga?” and I was so shocked when I remember the sign I was asking for. I still can’t believe it and still trying to convince myself that it was just a coincident so I asked for another sign. Guess what? The sign was still pointing to him! Well okay! Let’s give this a try. If it wouldn’t work, then better luck next time.
            I’m officially dating this guy even though he’s not my type of guy and not to mention that everyone on my family likes him.. Magalang at Mabait daw kasi. I don’t know why I wasn’t totally convinced that he’s the one for me maybe it was my feelings for my ex’s that’s holding me back.
             I prayed as hard as I can to find the right answer that I was looking for. My mind wants me to move on. I asked GOD to help me, “God If he’s really the one am asking for, then let me fall for him.” He courted me for almost a quarter year. He showed me that he’s different from everyone else on my past. He gave me all that he can for me to see that he deserves me. He was really trying his best.
             My mother and I was having this girly heart to heart talk. She narrates her love stories. She told me that we were in the same situation before. My father was not her first love, she even told me that my dad was never her type of guy. Then why are they together now? Having the best relationship that I’ve seen. The logic?? Try! What If it really works out? What If he’s really a God’s Gift? My mother gave me an idea that she also did before.
             One night I was about to test Kenneth’s patience and understanding. I told him that I’m already taking him as my boyfriend in one condition… that it was just a trial relationship and if my ex comes back, he will let me go. I know I was a jerk for giving him that kind of stupid offer. I know it was a stupid idea and I was expecting him to refuse that offer but I was completely wrong! He did accept it and It was very unexpected!
             I didn’t know that before that night, he was already planning to stay away from me. He was about to give up on me but he doesn’t have the courage to tell me his real feelings. What he did was a risk of getting hurt but he’s ready to risk anyway.
            He continues to make me feel very special. On that way, I slowly saw his hidden pains and that made me feel the urge of taking care of him. As I look at him, I see a strong child. A child that is ready to fight for his own possessions but with a fragile heart that’s longing to be loved. Right then my prayer was answered! Am slowly falling into him as I saw his weakness.
             Days pass by as we make some good times and special moments. I totally forgot about the trial I offered him until storms on our relationship came. It was a test of my loyalty for him. There are a lot of temptations that can drove me away from him but in the end I realize that my love for him is stronger this time that even my past love can’t destroy my relationship with him. I realize his value in my life that I can’t find someone else that loves me the way he could. Our relationship was getting stronger and by then I realize that he was God’s gift that answered my prayers.
               He proposed that he loves me so much and he wants me to be his wife. It wasn’t a very romantic proposal as what we saw on TVs but for me, to be asked as his wife, was the most special feeling.
             On the 23rd of December, 2010 we finally got married! It wasn’t expected before but now what? I’m now somebody’s wife. He may not be my first love but surely he was already my Last Love. This is the guy that I want to spend my life with forever. I just hope that God will guide us on our new journey…